How soon do you get another dog when one has just died?
My other dog Magnum ( a Golden Retriever), died on Super Bowl Sunday and I have been trying to decide whether or not to bring in another dog for company for my other dog Sonny after his father died. I have been doing some reading on grieving the death of a beloved dog. One point that was really strongly made was that it is important that I acknowledge that my emotions will have an effect on Sonny. Sonny relies on me to provide a healthy environment for him. In other words, it is important to allow time for both of us to grieve the passing of Magnum. I need to bring myself to a more positive energy level.
One of the things that was pointed out to me was that if I am still mourning and my other pet is still mourning, a new dog will pick up on the grief and mourning in the household. The new dog may develop bad habits or issues that I am not willing or able to deal with. What I got from my reading is that is a good idea not to bring a new dog into a household until the grieving is done. There is no time frame on how long this will take. Some times it can feel completely overwhelming. It has been almost 4 months now and I still can see Magmun laying there in the living room the day he died. I can’t get that image out of my mind. As Sonny is his son, it is amazing how much he looks like him. Sometimes Sonny is laying in the same place where I found Magnum that day and I have to check whether he is still breathing. It is quite unnerving sometimes.
I guess it is important for both of us to go through the grief in our own time so that we can move on. All I know now is that it is not a good time to bring in another dog at this time for us. At this time, Sonny is enjoying the individual attention that he is getting. Also, all of a sudden, we are welcome at many other places that we weren’t welcome before, mainly because of the size of the dogs and that there were 2 of them. As well, I hardly ever have to get Sonny a dog sitter now, because I can take him most places that I go. This is quite a significant change for both of us.
Another thing that was pointed out was that the new dog should not be a replacement or substitute for the previous dog. Right now I can’t say with conviction that a new dog would not be a replacement for Magnum.
It all comes down to that I am the only one who knows when I am ready to bring in a new dog, to know when I have let go of Magnum. I am the only one who knows when I have let go, finished my grieving , feel peace and can begin again with a new dog.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
I think that you hit the nail on the head in your closing statement. Each of us are unique in our attachments and relationships with our dogs. As each dog has its own individual personality, I think that may sometimes extend to our dogs as well.
We lost our first dog last summer after living with us for 10 years. Our second dog Daisy came into our family about 6 months after the first. Technically, she was my first dog, as she was given to me as a birthday present. The first was my husband’s dog. Both were adults when we brought them into our home.
We lost Daisy in January. The first dog’s death was the hardest on my husband. Daisy felt it, but she did not go into a noticeable withdrawal. Her death however has been devastating to me. Many do not understand why it’s hit me so hard, but she was my wonderful companion 24/7 for 10 years. After writing to my blog for nearly 2 years consistently, I have not been able to write, let alone answer comments. She laid by my side through each and every post I wrote.
When to bring a new dog home? The thought had crossed my mind when the first one died. However, my husband recently mentioned that it would have affected Daisy terribly, as she was the sole benefactor to our affections. After much thought, I believe he was right. She may very well have gone into serious withdrawal with another receiving a lot of our affection and attention.
I’ve read that you should not bring a new dog into the home until the grieving has passed. I don’t think there’s any magic concept or advice that can apply to all in general.
Once Daisy was gone, the house was unbearably desolate of the joy and magic that a dog brings into a home.
We got a new puppy 2 weeks after Daisy died. He is not and will never be a replacement. They are their own individual, and each has their own personality. You can never ‘replace’ a dog.
I can say that our new puppy has helped me in my grieving process, as he brings a lot of fun and joy back to the home. But I can tell you that I do still grieve terribly for my girl. I can’t mention her name without tearing up. I can also say that the new little one is showered with affection and attention, and lacks for absolutely nothing. Where can the harm be, as long as each wins for it. In fact, we’ve already made plans to bring a second one home come summer when our chosen breeder expects to have a litter ready.
So in answer again to the question as to when to get a new dog after the loss of another … only your heart can tell you. As long as no party suffers for it, and everyone gains, it’s all a good thing.